Life: An Overcommitment to the Absurd

I just came across this email I sent to friends a decade ago, a couple days after I ran a 50K ultramarathon race in Upstate New York. It is hard to believe that I was once a person who could run for so many hours straight, without vomiting. For the past two years, I have barely been able to manage a light jog because of chronic lower back pain. I finally had an MRI of my spine taken earlier this year and discovered all sorts of arthritis and degenerative discs. But my doctor says I should still be able to run. More recently I figured out a lot of the pain has had to with working at home while sitting in an attractive but ergonomically incorrect chair (duh). The thing I didn't point out in my email, and which is so key, is that I went through a lot to cross that finish line. Not just in the training, but in my personal life as well. 

Last week I read this quote from "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" (I have not read the full book yet), and it deeply resonated with me: "To live only for some future goal is shallow. It’s the sides of the mountain which sustain life, not the top. Here’s where things grow." So I am going to try to start running — and writing — again. Again.

Sent: Monday, July 8, 2013 4:21 AM

Subject: Re: my 50K

Here is a long, boring synopsis of what happened. Please skip to the last few paragraphs if you just want to get down to business.

Like I said, I really didn't know what to expect. The course was 33 challenging miles through a forest, with a bonus 1292-feet climb for each of the two loops. I did some math and figured, if I ran super strong with no issues, maybe I'd make it in just under eight hours. But given the heat, humidity, my inexperience with racing (the last race I trained for was a 5K when I was in high school x-country), and let us not forget the vomit-factor, I estimated possibly nine hours, maybe more. My goal, mostly, was to not hit the dreaded "wall" and to not let anyone see me throw up. If there's no witnesses, it didn't happen, right?

At 5 a.m. on Saturday morning, a full hour and a half before the start, a man came through the campsite, bellowing our wake up call while ringing a cowbell. This was not pleasant. It had rained a bit overnight, which helped cool things down, but as I pulled myself together, it was still warm and very humid. I had slept roughly 30 minutes due to an ill-placed slope under my sleeping bag and spent quite a bit of time peering into the firefly-sparked darkness, listening to hooting owls, thinking about Yoda and the surrounding energy field that binds all living things. I actually think the exhaustion worked to my benefit as I didn’t have enough energy to get nervous about the impending challenge.

Typically, the best strategy for running ultras as a beginner is to start conservatively. Zandy, an amazing ultrarunner whom I had keenly observed for so long and had given me invaluable tips throughout my training — not to mention  whose fault it was that I had even signed up  inspired me to race, pointed out that the course would be single track for much of it, so it might help to not get stuck behind in the field of 150 or so runners. His advice made perfect sense, especially since I hate crowds. So when they said go, I took off. And as soon as we got on the single track, I slowed way the f down.

I love trail running, and this course was ideal. From the beginning, we were climbing, a steady, gradual incline. Some runners like the interval run/walk approach, say 10 minutes running, one minute walking. But I lose track of time too easily, so I stuck to the “run the flats/downhills, walk the uphills” method. It feels more instinctual to me, to just go with what the terrain gives you — not entirely unlike with the ocean and surfing, actually.  So I welcomed the uphills, which gave me a chance to “rest,” and made up time by staying loose and letting gravity pull me on the downhills. Fearlessly bounding down hills is thrilling.

Inside the shaded forest and out across expansive cow fields, there were moments during the race where I would just break out into a stupid grin because it was so lush and beautiful. It was the course of my dreams; ups, downs, switchbacks, all on lovely, soft earth — oftentimes sticky, goopy mud. I know many runners accustomed to road racing complained about this after, but I didn’t mind. It just made things more interesting. At points, I literally got the chills from being so excited. This may also have just been a symptom of dehydration.

When I finished the first loop (~16.5 miles) and ran through the campsite, I was elated. My time: 3:07. Half way done and still feeling good. No vomit, no upset stomach. Then about four miles later, sudden cramping. I had become dehydrated (I made four pit stops on during the race, like full-on, due to all the medjool dates and nuts I was feeding on. And pee should not be the color mine was.) So at the next aid station, I downed four cups of water and refilled my 12 oz. water bottle. Belly distended, this is the closest I came to throwing up, BUT I DIDN’T.

At this point I started making calculations again. By the time I reached the third aid station, I was about six miles into my last loop. When I hit the fifth station, I had just completed my first marathon distance. Again, I did my best imitation of a mad hatter. I only had seven miles left — not bad! It was equidistant to a loop around my Central Park training grounds. I pushed on, even though I was starting to feel it, and it finally occurred to me, if I could run these seven miles in 1:15, which was normal during training, I might finish this whole thing in seven hours! I began to “jack rabbit” —  spotting a marker/runner, tracking it like a bunny to keep going, and then picking them off. I passed several men, at least some who I later found out were seasoned ultrarunners. This was not unpleasant. But then the last 2.7 miles came, mostly uphill, and I just couldn’t move fast enough. I wanted to stop. I was all alone, and there was no sight of the finish line as that 1:15 came and went. I cursed in profound disappointment. But I pushed and kept going. A couple minutes later, I turned the corner and holy crap, the finish line was just ahead. I broke into a dead sprint and flew through looking like a deranged beauty queen. Thirty-three miles, somehow, completed. That’s when I turned to a random spectator and asked if they knew what time I had finished. The guy answered, “It’s right there, in giant red numbers.” I looked up and was in disbelief: 6:32:20.

For all the bragging I’ve done in my life about how good I am at math, I fucking added wrong.

Overall, I placed 14th in a field of just over 100 runners. 

Crushed

Love this.

JC

I was assigned to write about Julia Child Restaurant Week (Aug. 7 - Aug. 15) by the New York Post, and got a chance to interview all the local participating chefs, including Michael White (Marea), Carmen Quagliata (Union Square Cafe), Claude Godard  (Jeanne & Gaston and Madison Bistro), Marcus Ware (Aureole) and Jody Williams (Buvette). Because of space issues, we couldn't keep this great anecdote from Quagliata on meeting the JC in Napa Valley:

In the late 1990s, Carmen Quagliata was working a packed house at Tra Vigne, a popular Italian restaurant in California’s Napa Valley, when Julia Child stopped by for dinner. “It was like having a dignitary in the restaurant,” says Quagliata, now executive chef at Union Square Café. “I was running the service when she appeared in the kitchen. We all stopped. The tickets were slipping to the floor." Child then walked around, spending five minutes meeting with each cook, saying things like, ‘Keep it up, it’s a great profession.’"

Qualgliata was stunned. 

"She understood her role, and was so kind and encouraging to a bunch of sweaty scrubs -- I mean, hardworking line cooks. It was magical.” 

(Pictured, at top, mousse au chocolate  @Buvette. Below, roast duck with cracklins, plum sauce and yellow peaches @Union Square Cafe.)

Fat Chinese Girl, chronicles

Spaghetti with squid ink, bottarga and red pepper.
See more Fat Chinese Girl.

Oh Land in the sky

 

I interviewed Oh Land last summer in the penthouse of the Rivington Hotel on the Lower East Side. I took this photo (above) with my phone as she posed for the actual photographer. Nice view, eh? I watched her sing at Webster Hall, then in Boston for a show at the House of Blues a few weeks later, and again, back down in Manhattan where she played the Bowery Ballroom. Each time, I marveled at how interesting she is to watch -- whether she's just lifting an arm or shifting her shoulders to a quick staccato.  Below, are tearsheets from S Magazine, but to read the whole story, you're gonna have to look for the hard copy. I know they sell them at McNally Jackson Books on Prince St. 

 

Aamanns/Copenhagen sneak peek!

Another day, another Danish-royalty party. These shots are from yesterday's stop on the Crown Prince and Princess of Denmark's U.S. visit. Chef Adam Aamanns' new smørrebrød spot at 13 Laight Street in Tribeca won't officially open until late November/early December, but here's a look at what will be served:

Denmark's the Spot!

I spent the last couple of weeks scrambling to write a story about Nordic cuisine in New York City and sat down with many of the city's finest purveyors of gravlax, smørrebrød, rye bread, pickled herring et al. One guy I didn't get to interview was Rene Redzepi, famed chef at Copenhagen's Noma, aka the "best restaurant in the world." But I finally caught up with him in Union Square yesterday, eating a local apple no less, where he was promoting Danish cuisine to an audience of foodies, press and the Crown Couple of Denmark.

As for American chefs who inspire him, he cited Thomas Keller ("an astonishing chef"), Wylie Dufresne and David Chang. In fact, Redzepi's head chef at Noma is yankee Matt Orlando.When I asked him if he had plans to open any restaurants in NY, he gave me a sad face and shook his head, "No," saying, "I love New York City. Who doesn't?" But he's pretty happy and busy with what's going on with his work back in Denmark, so really, nothing to be sorry about.

However, as an addendum to the part in my article about the New Nordic Manifesto, Redzepi said he was "surprised" that chefs here were looking at it for their own Scandinavian cooking. "They're not rules —they're inspirations," he says. "If you have rules, it becomes absolute. That's a horrible thing. Who's to say just because you want to incorporate olive oil that it's not Nordic cooking?"

Below, samples of bites prepared by Adam Aamanns -- who will be opening an eatery in Tribeca by December. (At very top of post, æbleskiver dusted with vinegar powder.)

Potatoes with mussel cream

Beet Root smørrebrød

A smorgasbord.

 P.S. As for my story which came out today - I highly recommend stopping by Nordic Breads, mentioned in the intro for their "dark piquant rounds of Finnish rye." (Multiple locations: New Amsterdam, Union Square and Stuyvesant Town Greenmarkets; some Dean & Deluca’s, Shaller and Weber; Whole Foods Market)

Is it really the end of S̶e̶p̶t̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶ October already?

When I was researching my story about places to eat around Lincoln Center during Fashion Week, there were plenty of restaurants to choose from. Rosa Mexicana or Fiorello's would have been too obvious. Salumeria Rosi was too far. Boulud Sud would have been one too many Bouluds...I was on the fence about Gastroarte--but then I saw their insane platings and thought, "how perfect." Above, squid ink risotto and seafood. Below, beets! and further down, Lincoln Ristorante by day.

New stuff

I hung out with actress Jena Malone in Los Angeles earlier this year and wrote about it for S Magazine. And if you happen to pick up an issue and all you do is gawk at the nude photos of her without reading the story—shame, shame on you.

Feels like WTF

Wendi "Daaaaaang" Murdoch's leading lady

(At The London Hotel's Maze restaurant: Actress Li Bing Bing, right; director Wayne Wang, left.)

I had trouble figuring out how to write about this whole Snow Flower and the Secret Fan business, even if I did suggest it to my editor at The Paris Review in the first place. But at the time of the pitch, I hadn't yet seen the film, and was intrigued about the possibilities. After watching the movie, things became murkier from an editorial standpoint. At one point, there was going to be some pretty heavy lesbian porn references, not to mention the use of the FUPA acronym. But as my friend Tom pointed out (while I was past deadline and ready to give up), "often journalists will find a topic that's just easy/provocative under deadline rather than say what they really think." Though, it's not like had I gone the FUPA route, I wouldn't have been saying what I really thought anyway. Here's my end result, and here's the awesome Wendi Murdoch smackdown clip.

Free Ai Weiwei?

In New York and in Miami, I saw these posters, remnants from Ai's 81 days of imprisonment. Of course, he's not really free, is he.

Re-Post

I should remember to post this every year:

Just got back from yet another depressing lecture at MIT on Carbon Capture and Sequestration. Not familiar with CCS? In a nut: We are in the global warming shitter because we drive too much, fly too much, and can't control our rate of needless consumption. All of this requires energy, much of which comes from burning coal in power plants, and results in a runaway train of carbon emissions that's destroying the earth and the air we breathe. So scientists are trying to figure out a way to suck the carbon from these plants and then inject them deep into underground geological formations or even beneath the ocean -- which if they ever do figure out how to make work, then has the potential to wreak even more catastrophic results, like ocean acidification, ecological destruction, blah blah blah. On top of that, if they do miraculously figure it all out, it's only a fraction of what we need to do to make it all...not so bad. Because no matter what, it's gonna be bad.

I spend my time learning and obsessing about this problem, the enormity of it and perhaps the futility of trying to fix it, wondering if I'll ever be able to use a disposable plastic fork without feeling overwhelming guilt or not despise a culture which perpetuates mass retailers of overpriced superfluous junk. But mostly, I wonder why so many bikers have to be killed by cars and their drivers.

This morning, when I pedaled across the intersection of Harvard and Cambridge in Allston, like I do almost everyday, I saw yet another ghostbike chained to a light pole, memorializing the life and death of a 23-year-old girl who was killed riding her bike a week or so ago. Her friends had covered the street corner with flowers, notes, pictures, even a giant graffitied message saying, "Kelly, we love you." Bikers, you see, whether they are conscious of this or not, are doing us a huge favor by choosing not to pilot giant heaps of gas-guzzling, carbon-emitting, war-inducing metal. Yeah, I'm a biker, so it sounds like I'm just wanking one off, but you can't really argue with it. Just try to.

So, wear a helmet, ride a bike, ride safe, save the world.

I originally wrote it in May of 2007, after I'd left New York the first time, and was mired in the world of Nova science now. When I was a more prolific blogger. I later commented:

"We need a complete overhaul of our cultural values, and a greater respect for our fellow humans. People think they're minding their own business while coveting and collecting things, when really everything we do effects somebody else and then comes back to slap us on our asses time 10: breathing, eating, all of it. Biodiversity is key, not only in nature, but in humanity, our urban metropolises, our comfortable Ikea-turned out homes --so it behooves us not to run each other over and think more about what is essential to life, liberty and happiness.

The recession happened, and as painful as it is, to some more than others, I know it isn't all bad. It's taught some of us how to be frugal, yet make the most of it (i.e. out of work, and nothing to do but look at the birds). Nevertheless, I've lost touch with some of these ideals in the last year or so, and it's time to refocus.

I'm assuming this is based on a scale of 1-10, 1 being low and 10.3 signifying tomorrow's -- sorry, next weekend's --impending apocalypse.

Artist Ai Weiwei missing for 9 days

Artist Ai Weiwei has been detained by the Chinese government, according to news reports. Nobody knows exactly why he was arrested or how long he'll be held. Back in 2007, when I was living in Boston and spending quite a bit of time attending various lectures and talks at the multitude of universities around Cambridge, I interveiwed Ai. He had been invited to speak at MIT's School of Architecture, and I was immediately taken by his personal and artistic sense of humor. He was very generous with his time, and shockingly candid with his criticism of the Chinese government. I was worried he'd get in trouble. Here is an excerpt.

BLVR: The Chinese government's push to build Beijing up into a world-class metropolis filled with skyscrapers is destroying historic neighborhoods. Are you okay with that?

AWW: First, I don't think it comes from design. Any design, any city, any kind of craziness or tragedy, it all comes from a long time of preparation. Destroy or build. Crazy or non-crazy. I'm not nostalgic about the old city. I don't enjoy it that much. It was just a city with one emperor and the rest of them just rats or meaningless people. Of course, it has its own conditions. The society was so different—it was a feudalistic society. It didn’t come to a point of industrial revolution until 20 years ago. And today, we jump into this globalization of the economy and Internet age. Of course, there has to be chaos. It has to be crazy and I don't think there's anything wrong about it except this government which is really incapable of doing anything meaningful. Otherwise, I think the building can be bigger, larger, and the city can be much more crazy. The problem is the government structure is so deadly stupid, not really solving problems but creating a lot of problems itself every day.

BLVR: How are you so free with your criticism of the Chinese government? Don’t people tend to end up in prison for that? Or are you safe because of your involvement with high-profile projects?

AWW: It’s not like before. It’s very clearly losing power in every aspect, but trying to fix up all the problems or potential problems. The whole attitude of society has become much more open and realistic. They realize that the only way to make a more democratic and free society is to let different opinions come out. The government has improved in the last two or three years. Of course, the structure is still the same; there’s still a one-party system and strong censorship.

The whole interview can be read here. And info on "Never Sorry," a film about Ai directed by Alison Klayman can be found here, as well as the "Who's Afraid of Ai Weiwei?" Frontline documentary here.

One-Year Anniversary

All dressed up and...

These came from downtown L.A.'s Bottega Louie. I've heard it's a pretty, loud restaurant where the food is only okay. But those macaroons were right on point.

At last.

MTV Shows

In 2010, I lived in a fancy hotel and worked as a story producer for My Life As Liz, Season 2. Both of these (unrelated) experiences had me jumping up and down on a king-sized, satin-sheeted bed - and not sleeping nearly enough. The show premieres tonight on MTV at 11 pm.

Awww, pussycat

I interviewed actress and icon Tura Satana (July 10, 1938 – February 4, 2011) for Giant Robot way back when. She talked to me about everything from overcoming gang rape to conquering the art of nipple-tassle twirling. Bye-bye, pussycat.

Somewhere

Actor Stephen Dorff was one of the first interviews I conducted with a celebrity during my tenure at Jane Magazine. He stood me up on our original phone date, and I eventually ended up having to go into the office on a weekend to have the conversation -- which lasted over two hours and was pretty amusing. In retrospect, I'm surprised at some of my questions and responses, but then again, I had initially been pretty annoyed by his delinquency. I thought of him recently because he's in that new Sofia Coppola move, Somewhere, and then found that someone had posted our interview on the web. I have re-appropriated it here. The photo, by the way, was taken by Michael Stipe.